I looked into the sky and saw two clouds, one small one, sat centrally above a huge fluffy one. The big one reminded me of the safety cushions stunt men land on. This to me, immediately represented me and God and his message to me was "when you fall, I will catch you", when I next looked up the sky was clear blue, no trace in sight of the two clouds.
Over the next couple of years my life would take some turns that would see me really need God, the most significant of which was an area in my marriage in which I would need to excercise forgiveness - that did not come easily and I found myself in church a lot talking to our pastor at that time.
On one of those occasions in which my Pastor was ministering me I had an experience of deliverence from a spirit of 'restraint', I think this had a lot to do with my Brethren upbringing and my refusal to accept God loved me.
As the time went on I needed some additional help in the form of anti-depressants and counselling, something I fought hard against in the first place, but would now probably recommend to anyone!
This took me to the point where in January of this year I didn't want to be here (on Earth) anymore, it was in the early hours of the morning and I begged God to take me in my sleep, it would be the best thing for everyone, I started to see a small white light in front of my eyes and felt so relaxed, I truly thought I was going to go and join God in Heaven and I felt so good about it, I dreamily said goodbye to my husband who was sleeping next to me. This wasn't a white light tunnel experience, just a small white dot in front of my eyes and a feeling of peace, I was thanking God for coming for me and really feeling I was ready to go, when suddenly the light dissappeared and a voice in my head said "not now". I sat bolt-upright in bed and was waving my hand in front of my eyes looking for the light, which had now gone. I had to accept what God had told me, this wasn't the time for me to go, and that somehow I had to live each day the best way I could. I realised my cloud prophecy had been realised, I wasn't going to fall any lower than that, and I definately did not fall through - God caught me.
It was a few days later again in the early hours of the morning that I truly accepted Jesus as my Saviour. The events of the last few years and the counselling had my made me question all sorts of things, not least my childhood, it was while this was running around my brain I had the realisation that I was God's daughter! Amazing! It didn't matter how many times people had told me that, I had never believed it for myself until then!
On that night I wrote down these words Loved, Forgiven, Accepted, Individual.
I now had a heart knowledge of God, not just a head knowledge!
Anyway, that is a brief testimony! I could, and maybe one day will, elaborate on what I consider are the four main spiritual points in the testimony.
- The cloud prophecy
- The deliverance of 'restraint'
- The white light and God's timing
- Realisation of who I was and giving my life to God
My life now makes sense spiritually and since accepting Jesus into my heart fully, not only have I seen the change in myself, but my husband has also said he has seen a newness in me also.